Is February the month of love? Like January is us preparing to love a new year and then February is when we're finally like, ok let's actually settle in, commit, and do this thing for real. Time feels generous in these first few weeks, but it is as limited as it ever was.

All it takes is a glance at the calendar and a conversation with time to leave me questioning: Have I been loving the people around me well? Have I become my tasks? Have I only been paying attention to my own concerns?

Earlier this week, I woke up and noticed these words stuck in my head. I know how they got there. I just hadn’t visited with them in the longest time — didn’t realize how much I needed to write them out. This poem is for anyone who has loved and lost, yet would still bravely choose to bear the wreckage all over again. Be proud of your heart's capacity to love and heal. Soak in every beautiful moment, every hard won lesson, every time the fire touched your heart to purify and refine it.

If “time is how we spend our love” then we can’t be afraid to keep on loving. It’s what we were made for. It’s humanness at its best.

Or so I believed
Where do You end?
Where do I begin?

It hung heavy in my thoughts
It preoccupied my heart
It took years for my muscles to forget their memories of You
Yes, it can take years sometimes
The pain runs deep because so did the love

Our love
Something rare wasn't it?
How it made for a good story
How I adored writing every scene with You
Plotting out a forever
We've aged, however
Met our proper end
We've become a book I only need to read once
Now shelved in the attic of my heart collecting dust

I saw slowly, and too late of course
How Time was growing Me and You
Pushing Us out of sync
I hated the tick of the clock
Left to count on those hands instead of Yours
And then
In the aftermath
I hated how everything stood so still

What felt impossible in That Time
Came to pass

One became Two again
Distance delivered, did its work
And I was free
Me here, without You
You there, without Me

Times change
No, Time changes
How differently it moves Me now
No longer splits Me into the before and after of Us
It lets Me feel the gift of today
Clean, steady, bright, open
Whatever weightless thing I will it to be

Time carries me like a faithful friend
Helps me see
New possibilities
New people
New dreams
New endings

Dear Time, we’re on good terms again
And I’ve noticed gladly
You and Time have made amends too
In some separate place I know little of
But that I trust holds a similar expansive peace

It is rare, yes
But not so singular
As I once believed

Now in a new age
I venture into the depths
With stamina and hope, once again
In search of a truer treasure
A heart of gold
That matches mine

I will learn to navigate this new heart
With radiance and responsibility
And I will offer up my own
For love is old
Yet makes us new

A new Us
We are full of fortune
Don't you see?
Our scarred but gentle hands
Glitter with promise
Illuminate the truth
Grasp miraculous alchemy

It is not so out of reach
As we pretend it to be
Our hands and hearts know
How to hold tight
For love is sometimes
A dreamlike compulsion
But always
A courageous choice